Having a live-in roommate for our daughter—someone we trust—has changed our lives in ways we didn’t fully anticipate.
Making room for time away
One of the most tangible changes has been the ability for us, as a couple, to take short getaways together. Just us. That’s something we hadn’t been able to do for a very, very long time—not because we didn’t want to, but because it simply wasn’t realistic. The logistics, the worry, the responsibility—it all made the idea feel out of reach.
Now, it’s possible.
Our trips away are modest—usually two nights—but they’ve been incredibly meaningful. We plan them intentionally and collaboratively. We propose dates that work for everyone, and we adjust that week’s schedule so our daughter’s roommate’s “on” hours are concentrated during the time we’re gone. We do this for two primary reasons: first, so the roommate has the balance of the week “off” outside of our days away, and second, to temper the additional cost of the added companionship and caregiving time required while we’re away.
For any waking hours (up to 16 per day) beyond her usual committed weekly hours, we calculate and pay her at her regular hourly rate. It’s transparent, respectful, and sustainable—and it allows everyone to feel supported.
What this has meant for our daughter
What’s surprised us most, though, is how beneficial these short absences have been not just for us, but for our daughter as well.
Spending round-the-clock time together has allowed her roommate to really get to know her—her rhythms, her preferences, her capabilities. She’s come to see, firsthand, just how smart and capable our daughter is in so many ways. That deeper understanding has strengthened their relationship and built even more trust.
For our daughter, the experience has been quietly powerful. With us gone for a couple of nights, she’s had space to step into more independence and responsibility. Her roommate described it as her “taking more of a lead”—deciding what they’d do during the day, initiating routines, and even getting ready for bed proactively, without prompting, when it was time.
These may seem like small things. But to us, they’re meaningful indicators of growth.
Letting go—just a little
We’re also learning how much our presence—well-intentioned as it is—can sometimes create habits of reliance. Having a bit of space gives our daughter room to stretch, to trust herself, and to practice independence in a safe, supported environment.
What it’s given us, too
And for us? It’s been wonderful in many ways.
The added flexibility and freedom have been refreshing, yes—but more than that, these short trips have helped us recognize and remember how revitalizing it can be to step away and stay connected as a couple, something that can be easy to lose touch with after many, many years of always being “on.”
Supporting caregivers
As we’ve reflected on this, we’ve also been thinking about the broader caregiving picture. Research highlights what many families already know firsthand: caregiving is demanding, often expensive, and frequently leaves little room for rest, flexibility, or time away—for caregivers or for families. Finding coverage that is both trusted and affordable can be incredibly difficult, which is something we fully understand.
In that context, having a live-in roommate has felt especially meaningful. It’s created a structure that makes short getaways possible—not just for us, but in a way that also supports the caregiver. Our daughter’s roommate can plan ahead, take time off outside of our travel days, and maintain balance in her own life. That balance matters—for her, for us, and for our daughter.
A small example of what’s possible
Of course, we love our daughter deeply. She is an incredible blessing in our daily lives in so many ways.
But having a live-in roommate—someone who genuinely cares, who shows up with intention—has been fantastic for all of us. It’s created space for growth, connection, trust, and renewal in ways we didn’t fully anticipate.
Sometimes, a little space makes room for everyone to grow.
For us, this live-in roommate model has been one small but meaningful example of what becomes possible when care is shared thoughtfully and trust is built into daily life.
If you’re a family navigating similar questions, we don’t offer this as a prescription—but as an invitation to imagine how a live-in roommate model might open up new kinds of space—for your loved one, for caregivers, and for you as well.